okay. so i'm fat. but what really bothers me? my ankles. oh, and my elbows. they are abnormally red. every once in awhile someone will notice. ye gads. is it bad that i can't think of anything else? oh, my hair. but that doesn't really count. maybe my thighs. sure. we'll go with that. they've taken a turn for the worse. but they'll be the first thing to perk-up with this whole exercise thing i've got going.
my stretch marks? hideous. like a wild animal attack. seriously? my obgyn was shocked. how many women do you figure he's seen in his day? they had a woman on one of those surgical makeover shows that had a similar set. but some time laast week? i up and gave up the chagrin. they've faded over time. silver rivers, no longer clawed.
so what, may you ask, is driving me to pursue a sportier bod? it ain't the body image. it ain't the chocolate, nor the lure of the sofa. all these things work for me. it is the overwhelming urge to go back and take the class mr. deathmarch teaches.
first of all, i'm five enormous pounds heavier than i thought i was. how goofy is that? believe you me...at this size? ain't nobuddy gonna notice a five pound difference. so i guess i'm hypocritical about this. i'm was a happy fat girl five pounds ago. now i'm just pissed. i also can't forget the woman (she turned out to be very well-intentioned) who turned to me and said, "you know that this class is really hard, right?" geez. i can't stand to have that out there. in the universe. mocking me.
so here's where it stands. i need goals. i figure that i've got to lose a minimum of forty pounds (no lie) to get where i need to be to rejoin the class. first of all, i'm not going to weigh myself until three weeks from friday. and then i'll go from there. but rewards. what to do? what to do?
now...a kicky new swimsuit
10 pounds...flowering plants for my porch
20 pounds...subscription to martha, organic living, or readymade
30 pounds...a massage
40 pounds...back to class
we're looking at what, september? *sigh*
2 comments:
Good for you!! My slacker self hasn't been into the gym in months and things are getting bad. I thought a free gym membership was good, but it ends up if I don't pay $70 a month to use it, I won't.
You can do it! I'm in the process of losing 40 pounds too. I'm tackling it month by month. For instance, in May I am in my 190's. In June I want to be in the 180's, July 170's, August 160's and September Goal. Just know that you're doing something about it and that whatever the number on the scale, it will never be that bad again 'cause you're taking control.
Mary Beth
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