ROBIEWANKENOBIE

dear diary,

santa brought me food poisoning for christmas. i hate santa.

the leon loves him some rudolph the red nosed reindeer. no. not in THAT way. but he got most teary when he missed it this year. and when he was going to miss it again because he had class. yes. i am better than santa. santa brought him butkus, but i brought him rudolph. oh, and the 1978 star wars christmas special. because i rock.

my kids loved their left shoes. and the spaghetti. and the lemon. yeah. they loved their "traditional" christmas presents, too. losers.

i found the MOST PERFECT COAT EVER at a thrift store today. Ne-ne bought it for me for christmas. she also brought me a leopard pj set that she got for christmas that was too tacky for her. nothing. i mean nothing. is "too tacky" for the rwkn. in fact? dead sexy.

why is it that my dansko shoes cannot hold up to the pressures of my coffeeshop job, but my $8 thrifted brand-new ghetto tommy hilfiger shoes, do? DANSKO -- LISTEN UP, FRIEND. HILFIGER HAS YOU BUY THE BALLS...NOW STEP TO IT, SUCKA!

today, i took on bureaucracy, and won. when does that ever happen? the $180? mostly deductible. which resets on jan 1. so, i'm tapering down for a bit, and then paying the chunk all at once, and doing mailorder at the same time, so i'm only a tad bit screwed. instead of royally. fucking alarmist pharmacist.

yes. please cancel my home phone, and keep my internets. i'll get a cell. and still save money.

no. i do not want your fancy shmancy new cell phone plan that will cost me almost $30 more a month all told. i want to retain my two-year-old plan, and add another line. no. i don't want the fancy phone either. gimmie the free one. and keep your bag. don't need that, either.

tomorrow i cancel old gym membership. even if i have to walk in there like a fatass to do it. i will also pay a couple of medical bills. AND bill some freelance clients. AND think up a fucking awesome name for my freelance business.

hey, so, tell me internets--do i want to go all hard core on the freelance? like name? logo? tax money going toward real equipment and shitz? inquiring minds want to know...

you really wish you could see my sexy ass self in my sexy ass tacky pajamas right now. i know it. plus? i'd do a leetle dance. you would not be able to resist me. rawr.

love,
rwkn