ROBIEWANKENOBIE

we've been exceedingly lucky. the times? they are a changin'. i can count the cases of racism that i've encountered on two hands. a boss. an encounter with loss prevention. an apartment complex. rednecks who heckled from their cars. some college folk. and five relatives. not all mine, mind you. and from both sides of the racial divide. seriously? easy peasy. we're in the south, too. so this is pretty incredible to me.

the gay uncle? (i only include the gay because i find it ironic) he got over it. especially after my brothers defended my honor. i found out at his memorial, that they had each gone behind my back and given him shit when he had decided that he wasn't going to my wedding (i didn't know that he was even thinking about avoiding it). aren't my brothers great? years before my parents and i had talked to him about it, since he seemed so concerned. silly man. once he met the leon's mama, he was toast. no one can dislike the mama of the leon. impossible.

the leon had an aunt that he gave a purt nice lecture to, and though his mama would have preferred that i have more melatonin going down, she warmed up quite nicely.

last night i found out that my dad's cousin sat them down at a restaurant to explain that the leon was black, and that they should have a problem with it. yeah, so, that went over well. *cough*

and then? the grandpa. the grandpa that i loved quite dearly. he carved birds. i was the only female member of his carving group. i just loved sitting at the long table in his garage with his gang of old men carving that sweet smelling wood. he also took me for long walks on the beach. we had to go early because of his bouts with skin cancer, but it was worth it. splashing water. shell collecting. sharks teeth. he was a practical joker. known for the doorbell that he rigged in his shop. he would ring it, and my grandma would impulsively answer the door. even when she knew it was him. he had a mannequin hand sticking out from the cellar steps. he always had a twinkle in his eye, and when he laughed his entire body shook.

when he died, my grandma took me aside at his funeral, and told me that she really wanted to meet the leon, and that my grandpa was always afraid of what the neighbors would think. i felt like i had lost him twice. his opinion mattered to me.

last night? on the phone (a minor miracle in itself - i always talk to my mother on the phone, but not my father) i got him back. my father was incredulous that i thought grandpa was upset. he may have been worried about my safety, he explained, but he never had a problem with my choice. he told me that grandpa had been discriminated against all his life. that he had been poor, and the wrong religion growing up. that he rode the rails to school. that a fraternity had turned him down until they found out that he had a 4.0 average.

grandpa? i would have loved you even if. you came from a different time and place. i could understand. but now? well, i'm sorry that i misjudged you. i should have known.